The evolution of self is a grueling process …
At least that’s been the experience for me thus far. And the term popularly used to refer to this process as “finding oneself” is an obnoxiously accurate description of where I am at the moment. I carry the belief that when we are born and take flight on this planet in human form, we forget where we have come from, embarking on a lifetime search of ourselves.
Hm, now that I think of it, this narrative sounds awfully close to The Alchemist … sorry, I’m veering of the path …
I don’t see this as a fault, but as a part of the human condition. We’re born with a heavy veil of illusion over our eyes and the process required to transcend it usually involves pain or some kind of trauma. Some end up asleep for many lifetimes before they are stirred, and many of us need to experience a type of shock to their system in order to wake up.
Once the veil is lifted, there’s no going back. You can try, but you won’t succeed. It’ll always get real noisy up above, only to remind you that you’re “woke” now and have a responsibility to yourself. More importantly, you have this strange, newfound commitment to yourself and every time you try to break the contract (that you don’t remember signing), the gnawing feeling of guilt and self deception take refuge in the pit of your belly, only leaving when you turn yourself in and admit the truth.
So this is where I am: at the crossroads of “finding myself”. I think I’m almost there (but do we really ever arrive? Ha! This may be an old ego trick). I am doing the work though. I know because I am starting to see the world differently; it has become more friendly. And I have become less afraid.
the-conscious-path.com 